How Ya Doin', Count Dracula?
I am now the proud owner of a laptop computer. For some reason I had the irresistible urge to purchase one. I'm really glad I did. It means that I can often avoid cutting the Internet ubilicle cord, and occasionally do my thing at locations other than this keyboard upon which I type. I like to write at Starbucks sometimes. Having people come and go around me seems to break the spell of the intimidating blank page, or the tedious editing process.

A couple of weeks ago I had a somewhat odd encounter. I was comfortably seated in one of the Starbucks armchairs with a view of the parking lot. Three individuals got out of a car -- two of them were average looking middle-aged women, dressed for the cold weather. The third was a young fellow (maybe 18) wearing a tuxedo. He reminded me of the famous Count from the movies, and I had an impulse to greet him that way. One strange thing was that the tux actually fit! I would guess that almost every guy has a photo of himself from some prom or wedding, proudly wearing an ill-fitting rented tuxedo. This one was impeccable and stylish, and even sported tails. I looked at him and dove back into my laptop.

As the trio came in, I happened to glance at the fellow as they passed my perch, and he locked me in an intense (and I felt somewhat menacing) gaze directly into my eyes. I nodded in as friendly a manner as I could and went back to my screen. They went to the counter to place their order, and before I knew it he was seated next to me as though he wanted to engage me in conversation. He asked my name, and told me his was Chris. "Nice suit," I said. I think he said thank you, and said something I could not understand. I heard the word "teachers", that's all I knew for sure. He was speaking English, but seemed mentally impaired in some way. I nodded again. Then one of the ladies appeared and said something like, "It's ok to say hi, but you can't talk to them." Then she made him move down so there was a seat between us. I was about ready to leave anyway, so I closed up my laptop and headed for the door. As I was making my way to the exit he called out goodbye, and then asked my name again. I told him, then said "Goodbye Chris." He told me to "be careful out there." The teachers seemed quite intent on keeping him from interacting with anyone else, as though we were all some dangerous species that he should have nothing to do with.

Had it been after dark, I might have expected him to turn into a vampire bat and follow. As it was I was left to wonder "what the heck?" Maybe he was a savant of some kind... a brilliant violinist on his way to a concert. Who knows? Mysteries abound.

Oh well, today is Christmas Eve. I have the good fortune of having a lady friend at the moment, and am anticipating a nice private dinner and celebration. Best to you and yours at this Holiday Season, and if you happen to see any well-dressed vampire bats, tell them to be careful out there.

The greatest of these is love
Several years ago I was walking around my neighborhood in Long Beach, California. It certainly wasn't the most prosperous of times in my life. The area was fairly rundown, and it was a grey day. I was pondering my state of affairs when I came across a person with an array of original artwork spread out on the sidewalk. For convenience I'll say it was a male, although I can't remember for sure. He was an adult dressed in mostly black clothing, and was obviously handicapped in some way. He was selling artwork that he had done... all childish works on notebook paper in simple black frames. I bought this one. I paid from $2 to $5 (not sure), and I have it to this day.

It gave me a bit of encouragement at the time. I felt that this person had done what he could to express himself, and had the courage to sit on a street corner and offer his wares. I wondered if I could have the same kind of courage. I've presented artwork in a multitude of circumstances, but usually with the benefit of a professional context.

The quote, in case it is unfamiliar, is from I Corinthians 13:13 in the New Testament. Love is greater than Faith or Hope, and there is an entire chapter telling you why. I think it's a good thought for us all as we prepare to wrap up another year and begin another.

Skulduggery
Have you ever seen these weird skulls? They have them in Peru or someplace. I guess there were some guys around who had heads like that. It's hard to imagine. The mundane explanation is that the parents tied the kids' heads to boards or something and did it... sort of like the foot binding that they used to do in China. Others have more exotic explanations. I've thought for a while that one of those forensic reconstruction guys should do a job on them (as seen in the first pic), so we could see what they probably looked like. I'm sure those artists have better things to do than satisfy my idle curiosities though.

Another month has gone by. I decided to leave my homage to nuclear war up here all month. Halloween came and went. That's a nice enough holiday. Speaking of costumery, have you noticed some of the extreme body art that's out there? What gets into people? I have to admit, a little of that goes a long way for me. I have never seen piercings or tats that seemed to improve anyone's appearance, to be frank. While surfing online I have seen bizarre and extreme examples... the permanent skull mask for example... horns implanted etc. No part of the body is off limits, apparently. I recently saw photos of an operation in progress where some fellow was having the whites of his eyes surgically dyed blue. Does that look attractive to anyone? It is also possible to have holders for your eyeglasses implanted on the bridge of your nose. Is that a good idea? Maybe all of that will work really well for the folks that have it done. I wish them the best. I always wonder how these people will look when they're senior citizens though. Oh well, I expect to be turning into a real skeleton by then so it's not my problem.

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy
CUBA ORDERED QUARANTINED - Soviet Retaliation In Berlin, Other Points Hinted - Reds Abed When JFK Hits Cuba - Security Council Session Requested - President Orders Cuba-Bound Ships Stopped, Searched - Organization Of American States Meets In Emergency - Airbases In Arizona Put On Alert - Moscow Charges Caribbean Action Is 'Provocation'

Those were the headlines in The Bisbee Daily Review on Tuesday, October 23, 1962. Things looked pretty tense, didn't they? Of course, that was a very long time ago. In fact, it will be exactly 45 years ago this month, and right in the thick of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Fortunately the world made it through without a nuclear war.

I actually have this newspaper from that time. Now (finally) neatly framed. You may notice that it features a typical American family on a little sightseeing jaunt to the local Lavender Pits, which was a giant hole in the ground where they mine copper. The odd thing is that this is my family... that's my Mom and Dad, sis and bro, and me the littlest of the bunch. I don't remember much of it, but there was an interview and a photo taken, and we were on the front page the next day.

Now it has a strange, Twilight Zone quality to it as I look at it. Dad even resembles Rod Serling to me. "Submitted for your approval... the world is on the brink of nuclear war... but somewhere in Arizona a family is on vacation..."

Welcome to America, You No-Goodnik Foreign Guy!
We had a visiting Head of State hanging around here recently. It was this fellow, with the impossible name of (let me look it up) President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Someone invited him to speak at a university and the UN, and then everyone took all opportunities to fume and bluster, and insult the man at every turn. This struck me as odd, jingoistic, and just plain impolite behavior. As it is, we always have to have someone to demonize and serve as target for our rattling sabers. This fellow is a good one: he's simply not ready for Prime-Time, is he? Just look at him -- he's short and unattractive with a lousy sense of fashion, and can't even grow a decent beard. As it is, those same things can (and have been) said about me! The good news is that no one gives a flip in my case. I think the most unfortunate aspect was listening to the translators... I don't think any of his views had a chance of coming across properly.

Let me be clear -- I'm not defending those views. I don't really know what they are in any depth. Sure, I've heard the two or three things he's said that make him sound villainous and ignorant. I'll go along with that... he must be a bad guy so please note that I don't support terrorists (lest anyone wish me a cell in a secret prison). He just doesn't seem as scary as he should to be the Lex Luthor to GWB's Superman.

We didn't let him visit Ground Zero either. I was surprised... I thought Rudy (let me look up the spelling again) Giuliani would have fought tooth and nail for that. That's his big thing, bringing up 911 in every other sentence. He looked pretty good at that time. Of course, anyone who wasn't wearing a turban or a shemagh made our hearts swell back then. Rudy could have yelled at him through a bullhorn (interrupted only by cell phone calls from the Mrs). By the way, what the heck was that supposed to prove... that he didn't know how or when to use his voicemail box? Odd.

I might be prejudiced in favor of Iran. I worked with a quite superior fellow who was from that country. He was intelligent, talented, and patient. He saved my work-a-day butt on more than one occasion. I'll remember him fondly if the chicken hawks manage to expand the war in the direction of his homeland.

Caveat emptor (buyer beware)
So, what's the deal with China? Why do they keep sending us junk that has to be recalled all of the time? The mind reels with it... let's see, something that gave our pets kidney failure -- that was nice. Tires that fall apart, little magnets posing a danger to tots, and now everything is coated in lead paint! And that's not to mention some of the scams they perpetrate on each other. I heard some of them grind up cardboard and make egg rolls or something. Yum. There also was a factory repackaging used chopsticks without processing or sterilizing them in any way. Double yum. Isn't this the civilization that invented all kinds of cool stuff? Gunpowder, paper, the compass, etc. Now they seem to like rip-offs best of all.

Personally, I think the quality of a lot of things has gone downhill. No big revelation there. It's a little sad... when I buy something at Walmart I expect it to fall apart in short order. And yes, I shop at Walmart on those rare occasions when I need an appliance or the like. I should be boycotting the place as it's one of the symbols of things I object to... but it's just so convenient. Some day I expect all commercial establishments to be under the Walmart umbrella anyway (the umbrella is another Chinese invention by the way).

We had a very frustrating time trying to buy a video camera a while back. I wrote a flame to the companies involved (Circuit City and Hitachi). I'll spare the details (including the $80.99 "restocking fee"), but the proverbial straw was as follows: "I was eventually scouring the manual for any scrap of information and came across this notation on page 139: 'Note: Images recorded on DVD-R disc cannot be edited on the software provided with this DVD video camera/recorder.'" What kind of sense does that make? I have no idea if the Chinese were involved.

Oh well, at least Walmart has a liberal return policy.

Eye On Advertising
Well, here's a new one I believe. They're running advertisements for a war! Boy oh boy, somebody sure loves that War in Iraq and wants to keep it going at all costs. Of course the main selling points are: (1) they attacked us on 9/11, and (2) if we don't keep it up over there they'll come over here and blow us up. On point #1, it's been well verified that Saddam and the country of Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. But hey, they're a bunch of towel-heads so we might as well kill a bunch. Kill, kill, kill... we love to kill. That'll solve everything. Kill, kill, kill and kill some more. On point #2, I've never understood that logic. I don't see how this war would prevent an attack of any kind. Some group of terrorists would just need to avoid the place altogether and do their thing. But I'm sure a few more advertisements will help me see the light.

Here in the US, we're more concerned with things like car insurance. This is something else I don't understand -- namely the Geico commercials. Some of them have been so slick and elaborate that I wonder if they even need to make any more money. Warren Buffet is the head honcho, and he's about as rich as anyone. He seems like a decent guy though. Anyway, what's with those ill-tempered cavemen? I sort of get the shtick... they're mad because people think they're dumb. Okay, that's a premise. What it has to do with insuring my car, who knows? I also object to the fake cockney accent on their stupid lizard. They had to do something, and the voice actor probably ran through a bunch of voices. But a cockney sounding lizard for an American company just doesn't do it for me.

There is another foreign accented animated critter out there. This one is a bee with some sort of Latin accent (probably the same guy that does the lizard). He's peddling allergy meds. Something occurs to me every time I see one of these pharmaceutical ads. They always urge me to "talk to my doctor." My doctor, as if I have one. I have not seen the same doctor twice in a row since I became an adult. I saw a chiropractor for a while, but I don't think that really counts. So MY DOCTOR, who is familiar with my medical history etc. is as imaginary as a cockney gecko.